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EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED FROM MY HORSE


"Whinnying is everything.
Don't stirrup trouble.
Manure happens.
A foal and his mommy are soon parted.
The bucking stops here.
Show unbridled enthusiasm.
Just say 'neigh.'
Keep your shoes on.
Lead, follow, or stay in the barn.
Jump each fence as you come to it.
If at first you don't succeed, shy, shy again.
It's important to be well groomed.
Take everything with a lick of salt.
Save your ponies for a rainy day.
A horse in the barn is worth two in the field.
Horsiness is next to godliness.
Hold your horses."


CHAIN LETTER

This chain letter is meant to bring relief and happiness to you. Unlike most chain letters, it doesn't cost money. You simple send a copy to six other horse owners who are dissatisfied with the way their horses are behaving or riding.

Blanket your own horse and send him to the horse owner at the top of the list and add your name to the bottom of the list.

In one week you will receive 16,436 horses, and one of them should be areal dandy! Have faith in this letter. DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN! One owner broke the chain and got his own horse back.

Happy Trails!


SPELLING CHECKER


 I have a spelling checker
 It came with my PC.
 It plane lee marks four my revue
 Miss steaks aye can knot sea.
 Eye ran this poem threw it,
 Your sure reel glad two no.
 Its vary polished in it's weigh,
 My checker tolled me sew.
 A checker is a bless sing,
 It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
 It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
 And aides me when I rime.
 To rite with care is quite a feet
 Of witch won should be proud.
 And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
 Sew flaws are knot aloud.
 And now bee cause my spelling
 Is checked with such grate flare,
 Their are know faults with in my cite,
 Of nun eye am a wear.
 Each frays come posed up on my screen
 Eye trussed to bee a joule
 The checker poured o'er every word
 To cheque sum spelling rule.
 That's why aye brake in two averse
 My righting wants too pleas.
 Sow now ewe sea why aye dew prays
 Such soft wear for pea seas.


BUMPER STICKERS

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I love cats. They taste just like chicken.

Out of my mind. Back in a few minutes

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

I didnít fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Your kid may be an honor student but youíre an idiot!

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you!

Smile...itís the second best thing you can do with your lips.

If we arenít supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately, it kills all its students.

Forget about world peace. How about using your turn signal.

Warning: Dates onthe calendar are closer than they appear.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

We are born naked, wet and hungry... and then things get worse.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

I souport publik edekashion.

We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

There are three kinds of people. Those who can count and those who canít.

Diplomacy: The art of saying ďnice doggieĒ until you can find a rock.

I like you, but I wouldnít want to see you working with subatomic particles.

Iím a corporate executive. I keep things from happening.


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